overcoming risk-taker's remorse.

The big day is finally here! I left my home in New Hampshire for my big adventure. 

When I tell people what I am doing [roadtripping for three months and talking to complete strangers about love] there is usually a burst of excitement followed by, "you are so brave, I could never do that!"

I was a little confused why people kept telling me that I have a lot of bravery, until today. As my home got further and further away, it began to set in that I wouldn't be returning the next day or even the day after that. It is an intimidating thought that I will need to go all the way to California and back to get home. I wouldn't describe the feeling as being homesick, but more like fear for what comes next. On my route today, I kept going back and forth from this is going to be an amazing experience to what the heck was I thinking?!

I don't know if I am brave for packing up my life to drive thousands of miles alone, or if I'm just crazy. I think it is natural to have some risk-taker's remorse at the beginning, and I'm sure it will return in a month, but I'm just going to take one day at a time. 

When passing through Vermont, I saw a rock that had the words "look back" spray painted in black. I've decided that I am going to ignore this sign completely, and never look back on this adventure, only forward. 

Phoebe Axtman